Unlock your Divine Femininity to become the Perfect Victim
Deconstructing the “high value woman” and the culture of victim blaming
The “high value woman” is a myth sold by a patriarchal and sick society in order to provide its most oppressed with a false means of empowerment, and the illusion of control. The idea that a woman could escape the dangers of men raised under patriarchy, and live an idyllic life with a man whilst still operating within the confines of the patriarchy and without having to deconstruct or confront patriarchal ideals is dangerously alluring, and highly unrealistic. It sounds too good to be true, because it is.
Our society raises men to believe they are entitled to the servitude of women, provides them from birth with gendered socialisation which manifests in adulthood as weaponised “masculinity”, and above all else, hands them a world free from consequences. To believe that living by a playbook of “divine femininity” could ever have an impact on a lifetime of conditioning is not only ridiculously wishful, but harmful as it plays directly into a cultural narrative of victim blaming.
On the other side of “unlock your divine feminine energy to only attract good men” is “she got cheated on because she was a low-value woman!” On the flipside of “act like a high value woman to attract a good man” is “she was abused because she was low value, and attracted a low value man.”
One cannot be true without the other. If following a set of rules and behaviours could change the way men acted around you, and change the type of men who attempted to court you, it must also be true that by not following these rules and behaviours you are actively at fault for the predatory behaviour of men in your presence, and for the calibre of men who attempt to court you. Ergo, the “high value woman” is a myth.
In a world determined to perpetuate this idea of a “perfect victim” and to devalue and dismiss the experiences of any woman with a perceived moral failing, who falls short of the standard of “perfect victim”, the archetype of “divine feminine, high value woman” is reductive, and a continuation of the plague which is victim blaming. The perfect victim does not exist, in the same way that a man who has not been raised within a patriarchy does not exist.
The appeal to regain control in a society where so little control over relationships, autonomy, and violence is provided to women has ensured that this mindset of “making oneself an infallible, perfect victim” to avoid condemnation in the event of abuse has become an internet trend. Whilst outwardly, divine femininity doesn’t advertise itself with the words “perfect victim” at its core, that is what it is. Taking every possible precaution against predatory men now includes shifting our energy, wearing the right perfume, and carrying ourselves with good posture. As though existing as a 21st century woman were not already tiring enough, we are once again being force-fed the narrative; “you can fix yourself to stop him.”
Beyond the victim blaming woven into this idea of the “high value women” is the irrationality of the concept. Femininity coaches tell you to, “wear dresses, act demurely, avoid swearing, talk less,” and promise in return that you will be outwardly perceived as soft, feminine, and high value. The goal of this is to ultimately play into patriarchal expectations for women, appeasing men, and increasing the likelihood of being chosen by one. This is linked to the phenomenon of “sprinkle sprinkle” culture, and the reinforcement of the idea that women should not aspire to work, and should instead become reliant on a man. Following the divine femininity playbook as doctrine supposedly ensures that a reliable man will find you.
This notion is flawed for many reasons, the most prominent of which being that men do not care. Ultimately, it is not going to make a difference whether you’re wearing kitten heels or wedges, whether your dress is ribbed cotton or low-lustre sateen, whether you clap with your hands flat or cupped, whether you smile with teeth or closed lips. If a man wants to harm you, he will do so regardless. If a man intends on treating you well, it shouldn’t take a specific perfume or the correct amount of visible collarbone to convince him to do so. Predators are not looking at women and thinking, “aw man, I was going to hurt her but she’s got such a feminine shade of blush on… guess I better leave her alone for a high value man!” in the same way that they are also not looking at women and thinking, “goodness gracious, she’s drinking a beer? How unladylike, I better beat the shit out of her!” There is no escape from the violence of patriarchy without deconstructing it, and this responsibility lies with the men at fault, and those who reinforce the culture.
I understand the want for this myth to be true. I understand why we as women crave the notion of control over how men behave. I understand why “divine femininity” exists within the subculture of modern feminism. However, it is also our responsibility to deconstruct and investigate the implications of this value system. Engaging actively in reinforcing patriarchal ideals for women will never grant you freedom from the dangers of the patriarchy. You cannot make yourself a perfect victim in a society where men are afforded every possible chance to be justified.
Divine femininity will not save you.